1. There is nothing that threatens the security of a wife than the thought of another woman competing for the attention and affection of her husband. Nothing is more painful. Nothing is more disrespecting. Nothing is more insulting. Nothing is more belittling and degrading.
2. Marriage flourishes when the couple works together as a team, when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score. Good marriages don't just happen. They are a product of hard work.
3. Your children are watching you and forming lasting opinions on love, commitment, and marriage based on what they see in you. Give them hope. Make them look forward to marriage.
4. Husbands. The reason why other women look attractive is because someone is taking good care of them. The grass is always green where it is watered. Instead of drooling over the green grass on the other side of the fence, work on yours and water it regularly. Any man can admire a beautiful woman, but it takes a true gentleman to make a woman admirable and beautiful.
5. When a husband puts his wife first above everyone and everything except God, it gives his wife the sense of security and honour that every wife hungers for.
6. A successful marriage doesn't require a bug house, a perfect spouse, a million dollars or an expensive car. You can have all the above and still have a miserable marriage. A successful marriage requires honesty, undying commitment and selfless love and Jesus at the centre of it all.
7. Pray for your spouse every day; in the morning, in the afternoon and at evening. Don't wait until there is a problem. Don't wait until something bad happens. Don't wait until there is an affair (people do not cheat by chance, they cheat by choice). Don't wait until your spouse is tempted. Shield your spouse with prayer and cover your marriage with the fence of prayer.
8. The people you surround yourself with have a lot of influence on your marriage. Friends can build or break your marriage, choose them wisely.
9. One spouse cannot build a marriage alone when the other spouse is committed to destroying it. Marriage works when both husband and wife work together as a team to build their marriage.
10. Don't take your spouse for granted, Don't take advantage of your spouses meekness and goodness. don't mistake your spouses loyalty for desperation. Don't misuse or abuse your spouse's trust. You may end up regretting after losing someone that meant so much to you.
11. Beware of marital advice from single people. Regardless of how sincere their advice may be, most of it is rhetorical and not derived from real life experiences. If you really need Godly advice, seek it from God-fearing, impartial and prayerful mature couples whose resolve has been tested by time and shaped by trials.
12. Dear wife, don't underestimate the power of the tongue in your marriage. The tongue has the power to crush your marriage or build it up. Don't let the devil use your tongue to kill your spouse's image, self-confidence and aspirations. Let God use your tongue to build up your marriage and bless ands praise your spouse.
At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.
She started screaming (obviously) out of fear.
With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.
Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.
The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away, but..it landed on another lady in the group.
Now it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.
The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In relay of the throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.
The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behaviour of the cockroach on his shirt.
When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.
Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behaviour? If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?
He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.
It is not the cockroach, but the inability of those people to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.
I realised that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but its my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.
It is not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.
More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.
Lessons learnt from the Cockroach Theory:
I understood that I should not react in life. I should always respond. The women reacted whereas the waiter responded.
Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought out.
A beautiful way to understand life...
A person who is happy is not happy because everything is right in his life.
He is happy because his attitude towards everything in his life is right!
Who else read this today? It had me in stitches...
Efo was baptised. The Pastor dipped his head into water three times and said, "You are baptised. Your old sins are forgiven, you are a new creation, your new name is Jacob. No more drinking of alcohol".
Efo went home and goes straight to his refrigerator, took all his alcohol bottles out, dipped them into water three times and said "You are baptised, your old sins are forgiven, you are a new creation, your new name is now fruit juice".
Today is all about sharing love. Honestly, with all the bad news in the press, it is nice to take out one day to celebrate love in many forms. Although we show our loved ones we love them by giving them cards, flowers, chocolates, gift vouchers, trips abroad, spa surprises, phone gadgets, presents etc, I think it is important to understand that like Christmas, St. Valentines Day is not just about the exchange of gifts but the sharing of love. For God so loved the WORLD..... So today, lets share a little love. With everyone in our world.
Here is a short note on Love and St. Valentines Day that was shared with me today.
Love
Love is believing, trusting, helping, encouraging, confiding, sharing, understanding, feeling, touching, caring, praying, giving. Love is an emotion. Love is passionate, alive, vibrant and warm. Love is something that gets better all the time.
Love is the greatest need of mankind, so love is the greatest service to mankind. Love is spiritual but is manifested in the physical. Love is thoughtfulness. Love is always. Love knows no hours or days. Love is always finding a way. Love is giving all. Love is rare - the unselfish kind. Love is priceless. Love is its own reward.
Love is sacrificial. Love is preferring the happiness of others to our own. Love never counts costs or returns. Rotary is love! Love is seen as it is put into action. Our good deeds done in love is wealth created!
Love is never lost. It always has its effect sooner or later. Love is forever.
Love is the name of God.
Love is the power of God. Love is God, for God is love. God's ultimate love is Jesus!
St. Valentine went around during his lifetime, preaching the God's kind of love as in the litany of love above but he got martyred for it unfortunately, but although he's no more, his spirit and teachings live on!
If you have kids, chances are bath time has most certainly been met with a groan or two. That’s because few are the kids who love baths. Inevitably they outgrow toddlerhood and begin to see baths as a distraction from much more fun activities, and the daily struggle begins, prompting parents to wonder if the effort is worth it. Do kids really need a bath every day, or is this cultural norm highly overrated?
What the experts say
Contrary to popular belief, babies don’t need daily baths, according to Laura Jana, MD, spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). It’s not until they begin crawling around in sandboxes and other places, and start eating solid foods, that they get dirty enough to merit a full-body wash. “Bathing is really necessary only to clean your child off when she gets dirty,” pediatrician David Gellar, MD, told BabyCenter.
As long as the diaper area is kept squeaky clean, and the folds under the armpits and groin area are wiped regularly with a wet washcloth, the AAP says babies and toddlers are good to go. Bathing them more frequently than three times per week can dry out their skin and cause eczema, a dry, itchy condition that is associated with asthma and allergies.
If your kids are between 6 and 11, you might be surprised to learn the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) says they need a bath only about once or twice a week; when they get muddy or swim; or if they have body odor. In other words, if they’re mostly spending time indoors, they can forgo a daily bath. “Exposure to a little grime may protect kids,” Michael Welch, MD, chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ section on allergy and immunology, told Parenting magazine. “Because their immune systems are still maturing, they seem to benefit from being around viruses, bacteria, and dirt.”
Once they’re tweens, however, the AAD increases its recommendation to daily baths or showers, plus face-washing twice each day to remove oil and dirt.
What the research says
Vast amounts of research have shown that children’s skin is more delicate than adults’ and therefore more vulnerable to irritants and allergens, which can include soap and water. Eczema usually starts within the first five years of life, and the past few decades have seen an increase in the prevalence of eczema among children in industrialized nations. If the skin becomes too dry, as with daily bathing, eczema can flare. Some research has shown that oil baths (in lieu of water) may actually reduce eczema and other skin conditions. Despite the huge market for moisturizing bath products, a large study on baby skin development concluded that mild cleansers are comparable with washing with water alone.
What the parents say
“I’m the mother of two boys, ages 6 and 9, and they don’t need a daily bath. I think it’s terrible for your skin — a bit of dirt is good for you and strengthens your immune system. Obviously if they’re playing sports or rolling around in the mud, it’s time for a plunge, but otherwise I think they’re better off with a bit of a crust.” — Caroline Turben, N.J.
“I’m a mom of two school-age sons. I’ve always tried to give them a bath every night. I feel that consistency and routine are important and beneficial for kids —and moms!” — Jennifer Bright Reich, Allentown, Pa.
By definition, Social Injustice is a situation when moral unfairness/inequity and perhaps illegal methods, customs, traditions and systems are being practiced in a society.
Nigeria have many unfair practices, most of which are not addressed on a public forum. They range from heinous crimes such as murder/assassinations, ritual killings, kidnapping, rape, domestic violence, drug trafficking, illegal baby factories and corruption to the much lesser ones that individuals commit on a daily basis. It is disheartening and breaks my spirit. I can joke around on so many issues and those that know me know that I always see the bright side to every situation. I look at Nigerians walking on the street and I smile because most of us are a group of hardworking people just trying to survive. On other days I cry for Nigeria as the things I see, is not normal yet it is accepted or dare I say ignored.
Some issues I would love to be addressed.
1. BABIES HAVING BABIES
I was at the hospital the other day and I saw a young girl in her school uniform drinking water. The lady with her then instructed her to drink more water as she will need a full bladder for her pregnancy scan. What?!!!!!????!!!! This girl looked no more than 12. My heart wept. What is a girl that young doing having a baby. In the world we live in. This as a school girl. About 10 minutes later, another lady walked in to the hospital with her baby and a younger girl (that looked like her house girl) and the girl she brought in came in too for a pregnancy test and scan. Upon seeing the results, the lady immediately jumped and told the girl 'I hope you are happy now you and my husband have gotten what you want'. Who are these children and where are their parents? How did that baby end up in such a precarious situation. Someone needs to be jailed! The paedophile of a man should be arraigned and the law should take its course. Here I feel the parents of the children are to blame. I have always maintained that children are exactly that. Children. They need to be protected. They need to be taken care of. You can't have them and ship them off to the next person that will supposedly look after them. What if that child is being sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally abused? How can a girl still in her secondary school uniform be pregnant. Under whose watch? I'm sorry but someone needs to be held accountable and that child needs to be protected from her predators.
2. YOUNG CHILDREN WORKING
When I see children working on the streets, whether its selling products or even in the capacity as a house-help, I think its injustice at its peak. We live in such a dysfunctional society and it baffles me how as a society, we have stripped the rights off young children and their right to have a decent childhood. Some will argue about children needing to work so as to support the parents. Excuse me, but what are the parents doing having 20 children that they cannot feed. If you cannot feed yourself 3 square meals in a day, what are you doing opening your legs and having more children. This might sound rich coming from me because I love children but we are in the 21st century. Why have a child and send them out to work at the age of 5 when they should be at school. You think having so many children means that you have enough children to buy you a mansion when you are old? Why can't you buy yourself a mansion and will it to your children like your counterparts are doing in other parts of the world. It really annoys me when people think the world starts and ends with Nigeria. How about the children who you put on the streets at such a young age, don't get an education and then grow up to use your own head for rituals because they are sick of living a poor life, or they end up as armed robbers, kidnappers and terrorists on the streets. Children get tired of the hard knock life and out of frustration, they end up making even more stupid decisions.
3. MOTHERS AND BABIES BEGGING ON THE STREET
On my way back from the hospital, I saw about three mothers holding their identical twin babies sitting on the sidewalk. That is child abuse. I kept wondering why these women cannot leave these babies at home to go on the streets and hustle. That is why I have an enormous amount of respect for market women. With the little they have, they can turn nothing into something. They respect themselves to know that despite the number of children they chose to have, they will work hard for their keep. I find it so inspiring. How can a mum, put her children out on the street, in the blazing sun, and beg people for bread. I can't recount the number of times I have personally emptied my wallet for people on the street. When I see women doing that, who do I blame? Who do we point fingers at? The mum? Society? The government? Lets say all three. The parent for having no care and concern in the world that putting your baby's life at risk in the middle of the road to beg for alms is callous and inhumane. The society, for turning a blind eye and not getting these individuals off the streets. Yet, millions of citizens pass these people on a daily basis. Why hasn't anyone alerted any agency to assist the mums get off the streets and back on their feet. Are you telling me that even pastors who are buying private jets up and down do not pass them constantly? Isn't it an irony that if and when those children grow to maybe become someone in life despite their dysfunctional upbringing, you will then preach about how that same individual needs to keep sowing seeds into your ministry? The government? Well of course. The Nigerian system as a whole. How is it possible that trillions of Naira are being budgeted for different projects around the country yet most parts of Nigeria still looks like a pigs den? These people in government know how bad the country is so they send their children to abroad to get a better education and for a better life in general. Again, like our well meaning men and women of God, how many people in the government pass these children on a daily or monthly basis. Just 100yards down the road was LASTMA police officers. Why are these officers paid to direct traffic rather than give these streets traffic lights (common sense) and deploy officers to do other well meaning jobs in their state. I am not saying, chase them off the streets so they can't beg for food. No. How about put them into rehabilitation homes to get them better equipped for the society and for their children.
That leads me to the final part of this post.
THE SOLUTION
I don't claim to know all the answers, but when something is wrong, it is wrong and needs to be called out. Especially when children are involved. From my points above, children have been involved in all three cases. This is what I saw in one day. This is any given day for Nigerians. Nigerians see this on a daily basis, and yet do nothing.
I'm no expert but here are my simple suggestions to whoever it may concern.
I think the first solution that will go a long way for the whole society is education. Young adults need to be educated on family planning and sex education. Please note that I said young adults, not children. A child has no business with this information because they should be busy doing what other children do.
Condoms! Nigerians need to use condoms and you can say the ones that are having these babies simply cannot afford to buy condoms. How about give it to them for free. Set up an initiative to educate communities, small and large on the importance of protecting yourself. From sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and pregnancy. Children are blessings from God but I am sure if these women were educated and were given a choice, they will chose when and how they will have their children. Rural enlightenment
Education plays an integral role to all the above. Parents who come from poor backgrounds who cannot afford to look after their children should not be handed your N100 a day. That will get them no where. They could be taught a trade or a skill. There should be programs directed solely to helping them get off the streets with their newborn babies and doing something that will benefit both them and their children. This will prevent a lot of women giving out their children to work. It is a vicious cycle but as a society we need to pull together and start from somewhere.
Other ways to help these individuals is helping them with their housing. Putting these individuals in free accommodation (yes I said free) Or at least affordable. But saying affordable is subjective as what is affordable to one family may not be to others. How much do they make in a month to pay as their monthly rent. Hence I said Free. With all the money being floated around and stolen and placed in foreign accounts around the world, it could be put nicely into assisting the plight of these women and permanently turning their lives around for the better.
ps, forgive any typos. Its 2am. I will edit tomorrow
Before the move, my Pastor gave me a few words of wisdom. When it comes to a child's education, she said, don't settle for less. She insisted I look at schools carefully and pick wisely. I went online to look at schools. All I wanted was the best for my babies. I googled lol (google is my friend). I googled Top 10 primary schools, Best Schools in Lagos etc. I wrote a list of about twenty schools and checked out their websites. The most expensive schools always had the prettiest website with stunning photos of the school and the children doing several extra-curricular activities. I went through each school's curriculum and the topics my children will learn on each subject. It took a while but doing all that background research made choosing the perfect school for my children a lot easier. I checked out some forums and read people's comments. So, if you are going through these motions, don't fret. You are not alone.
9 Points To Consider When Selecting A School For Your Child In Nigeria
1. ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE
When selecting a school for your child, look for a school that is academically sound. The good news is that most schools in Nigeria are academically forward. That's not to say they cannot improve on other areas, but when it comes to their academic performance, I think Nigerian school children are at least a year, if not two, ahead of their counterparts in other developed countries. During your selection process, take a hard look at the curriculum they follow. Do you want a school that can academically challenge your child? Do you want a school that follows the British, American or Nigerian curriculum? Do you want a school that focusses more on the extra-curriculum activities they offer so as to give the children a balance? Its your choice. Each child is unique. You can also look at the school's past years academic performance. What did their children get in comparison to other schools in the state?
2. DISTANCE
Location of the school. How far away is the school from your house. What will you do if there was an emergency? What about traffic? Considering work/business etc, will you drop your children to school and pick them up after school yourself? Will they use the school bus (every school has a school bus that offers this service)? Who will be with the child when they return from school? The location of the school is crucial. I would suggest that you try not to pick a school that is too far from home as they will be too exhausted when they get home. Remember home-time also means homework time so bear that in mind. Please be considerate with this one.
3. HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE IN THE CLASS
I considered the ratio of children per teacher in a class. I didn't want a classroom that was too full where my child will feel overwhelmed with the number of students in the class. I also didn't want a situation where my child is not being paid attention to by their teacher. I wanted their academic progress to be monitored and if a teacher is inundated with too many children, perhaps the quality I want is not what I will get. Having said that, I didn't want a school with only two children per class. Trust me, there are loads of schools (I call them converted houses) that have this. On the other hand, you might want a classroom that is full because they might feel more comfortable blending into the crowd without too much attention on them. It might be worth asking your child what they would like and take it from there.
4. THE PRICE
As most good schools in Nigeria are privately owned, it is wise to consider the size of your pocket and the school fees per term. Most times, the better the school, the more expensive it will be. Remember you are paying per term and not per year. So if your school fees is N900K for the first term, N700 for the second and third, ask yourself if you can realistically afford such fees per child. If you can and your heart is content with the school, then go ahead, but if you cannot, there are other good schools. The last thing you want is to place your child in a school only to withdraw them after a term because you couldn't keep up with the fees. The onus is on you to be wise with your finances. Know your own pocket. Some of these schools are expensive not because they are better than a more affordable school, but because they have an established name. Their name and sometimes the beauty of the school is what they are selling. Some even get professional teachers from abroad. That is all great. But bear in mind that they all follow the national curriculum and each school expands on that.
5. AIR CONDITIONING
Some might find this a bit petty but I think its incredibly important. My children came from a cold country which means they are not used to the heat in Nigeria. I physically went around the classrooms of all the schools to ensure they had air conditioners in place for the children. What won me over with the school I did chose was the fact that each classroom was quiet and their doors are shut when the children are in their class. They can study in peace and also be cool while at it. No one is sweating, fanning themselves and constantly feeling uncomfortable. One school I visited said they only turn on the air conditioning when there is light. Knowing Lagos, that means almost never! So whatever school you do chose, ask how their typical day is run. Although your children may not complain, its a good idea to keep an eye on the little details. All you want is for them to feel comfortable in their school environment, especially when you are not there.
6. CLEANLINESS
Look at the surrounding environment of the school. Do not rely on all the information you read online. The school might be great in some areas but lacking in areas of cleanliness. We all know that when an environment is not clean in Nigeria, you are more likely to see rats, rodents, cockroaches, mosquitoes and even snakes! Make sure the school is clean. Inside and out. Don't forget they will also give your children lunch to eat. If the school is not clean, do you think their kitchen area will be any better? How hygienic are they really?
7. MAKE ENQUIRIES
Ask around. If you put the leg work in now, I can guarantee that you will have peace of mind when your children are at school. Again, do not rely on all the information you read on their website. Before you decide, personally go to the school yourself. Write a list of all the questions you would like to ask the head teacher. But don't stop there. Ask the neighbours or nearby institutions what they think about the children they see in the school. Are they well behaved? What about the teachers? You will be surprised with the amount of information you will get from the locals! They see all and know all.
8. DISCIPLINE
Find out about their discipline measures. What exactly do they do to your children when they misbehave? As a parent who went to Primary and 4 years of Secondary school in Nigeria, I am no stranger to the different discipline methods that Nigerian schools impose on children. There are different punishments for different ages. I think teachers in Nigeria are naturally harsh and smack children on impulse. It could range from anything from smacking with a cane to a ruler. I personally think it is unacceptable and barbaric. No one has a right to hit my child. Full stop. In other countries that teacher would be heavily penalised and face criminal charges for assault on a minor but unfortunately in Nigeria, it is widely accepted. Parents, please look for a school that has a no-touch policy. Meaning.... on no circumstance would they touch your child. If a child is naughty the teacher feels the extent of their naughty behaviour is too much for the time out in the corner, please call the parents. They will discipline their child themselves in their own way. There are a lot more effective methods to discipline a child in school, but that's a post for another day.
9. ANY SPECIAL NEEDS?
Finally, depending on your child, find out if that school will actually suit your child. Do you have a child that has some special needs? Find out if the school caters to children with special needs and who is in charge of that department? How is the exam process and how will your child be tested? If the school has no clue how to handle your child, look for another school that does. The last thing you want is a clever child under-performing because the school is not well equipped with the right resources and they have not employed a special needs teacher that can carefully and patiently attend to your child.
London is a beautiful multicultural city. You can go to London and feel at home. If its Ugwu leaves you are looking for, you will find it. Abuja yam for pounding, they sell it. Even fresh live snails, ah, no biggie.
I can also guarantee you that if you do decide to travel to the UK, you will find your fellow brothers and sisters. No matter how rare your tribe is, they are there. When you get there, they will tell you the story of how your forefathers shipped themselves there thousands of years ago. I believe every community in the WORLD is represented in the United Kingdom and you will find your feet and adjust into the system eventually. For the UK, it just goes to show how diverse they are yet they still find ways to keep their own culture alive. It is also a tremendous feat for Great Britain as it shows they have a system set in place that can accommodate all walks of life. The people are welcoming and friendly and although far from home, you still feel right at home. Home is what you make of it at the end of the day.
Have you ever wondered why, when people move to the UK, they never return to their home country? And if they do, it is only for a visit? Why? They not only integrate themselves into the system but they actually really like living there. Some things there are just less cumbersome. Parents might relocate because their healthcare and education system is not only one of the best in the world but it is also free. That's so crucial to a developing society. No matter what, London will always be my home, but just for laughs, here are my
Top 5 Things You Are Not Told Before You Enter The UK.
1. It is cold, wet and dull for 9-10 months out of the year.
2. The streets are not lined with gold, but rather pidgeon and dog poop.
3. Its not that easy to find a top paying job when you get there. Don't be fooled.
4. The bills you will pay! It will come out from both nose and nyash.
5. There are other beautiful cities in the UK, not just London. Please stop infiltrating Peckham etc in London. Move to other cities. Wales if you have to.
Wow, this is coming in late, even for me. But its been a minute and I just wanted to say Seasons Greetings to you all. Hope you all had a merry Christmas and a glorious New Year.
I welcomed this year with a super positive attitude for several reasons. First of all, God has been faithful. He has kept His promises and I am still testifying. My testimonies range from making it to 2016 (I don't take the gift of life for granted) and so did the rest of my family, to divine health especially in the lives of my young children to my husband escaping from an imminent armed robbery attack. I repeat, God has been faithful.
On a lighter note, the news and the entertainment industry beefs/shades have kept me unashamedly entertained in the last 24 days. He he. But we are not here to talk about that are we?
Before last year closed we were given a Goal Setting Template for 2016 to fill out at church. We had to take out some time, meditate and set ourselves realistic goals for 2016 with a timeline. Giving ourselves a timeline helped us to see when we would like to start working on those set goals and how long it will take for us to achieve it and then practically work towards achieving it. Its a simple format that even children can follow. I don't know about you, but once I put pen to paper, it makes my goals feel more real and achievable rather than just thoughts floating through my head.
Efo was baptised. The Pastor dipped his head into water three times and said, "You are baptised. Your old sins are forgiven, you are a new creation, your new name is Jacob. No more drinking of alcohol".
Wow, this is coming in late, even for me. But its been a minute and I just wanted to say Seasons Greetings to you all. Hope you all had a merry Christmas and a glorious New Year.